[ On My Heart ] Avery James

Sunday, May 22, 2011

My brother, Avery, passed away twelve years ago today.  He was six, I was nine.

It's hard to believe that it's been this long, that he would be just finishing his freshman year in college, all the what if's that could have been...

I have very few memories of my childhood, except for very specific ones surrounding the days of his death... our last conversation (I was in the shower and he came in to ask me about dinner), the moment my parents sat with me on the couch to tell me his was gone (my dad was still wearing a smock from the hospital), speaking at his funeral (I read one of our favorite poems) and looking out at the faces crying with me, the specific smell of floral arrangements that littered our house for weeks after... and then after that everything gets really hazy...

It makes me cry to think of those moments, but in a way its oddly comforting to take me back to that time when he had just left my reach, he was so much closer then...

I cry for my parents, more than for me... for my dad who tries so hard to be strong until he breaks down looking at his picture...for my mom who had lost her only son...

And then I think about all that's happened since his death... my family has a renewed relationship with Christ, my mom has opened her home to foster children, I'm no longer an only child, and I now have 2 adopted brothers, 2 adopted sisters, and 2 half sisters...

God works in mysterious ways... and although it took us a while to see His plan, today I can smile knowing one day I will see him again, and be constantly amazed at the love and joy that surrounds me and my family :)

Avery, I miss you. a lot.
But keep watching over us, and guiding me in the right direction.  I love you.

4 thoughts:

  1. wow, girl. i was really touched by this story. how amazing to see what God has done through this. thanks for sharing, friend. :)

  2. This is such a warm and honest post, lthat i think many even myself can relate too. I've lost a number of people in my life, even still i struggle to talk about it. Your a lady with great courage, thank you for sharing.

  3. Beautiful post! God certainly does work in mysterious ways! I thought of Avery yesterday (as I do most days) with a heart filled with joy and thankfulness. I too remember our last words, our last touch, my last sight of him alive...and then seeing you. How thankful I am for the miraculous blessing of You! Thank You God! Love, Mom....or the online name you created for me years ago...MommyMary2Many :)

  4. allie. that was beautifully written. such sweet images of you and your brother. doesn't it take time and maturity to see that the important thing is how we react to such events. your family has responded in wonderful ways. thank you for giving us that glimpse into your lives. donna


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